


Tell it to the Sky

by womaninadream



Series: Legacies [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, Other, References to Depression, Speculation, back at it with more bobby apologism, i really wrote some sadass lyrics huh?, i wish i was sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womaninadream/pseuds/womaninadream
Summary: Trevor Wilson decides to record a song he wrote years ago.Now that the world has seen them playing with Julie, he's forever lost his chance to come clean publically about stealing their music. He can't deny them their opportunity to be legends, again, by exposing their past. All he can do is tell them he loves them and ask for forgiveness.
Relationships: Alex & Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Legacies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985470
Comments: 32
Kudos: 135





	1. nothing's going to change it now

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe I wrote a whole goddamn song for this but I guess my hyperfixations control me. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy part 2 of my spiral into the psyche of a character that gets maybe 5 minutes of screen time in the whole series lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from Northsiders by Christian Lee Hutson

______________________

He has to try. He wants more than anything for them to not hate him, even though he deserves it, because he's loved them the whole time they were gone. And to make them listen, he needs to speak to them in the language they know best.

So finds the one thing he wrote right after his third album completely bombed. Right after he realized he might never have had any talent at all and his whole career was a mistake. Right when he decided to tell the world that his whole first album was stolen, and half of his second too (the good half). Right before he had a daughter and suddenly doing right by her was more important than his conscience.

_Always knew that we were something great  
_ _I felt it every time we played  
_ _Now it's always gonna be too late  
_ _And I still live beneath that weight_

_I remember laughing when I got that call  
I thought we were invincible  
_ _What we had was unsinkable  
_ _Impossible I'd lose you all_

_I never knew you were the world til you ended  
_ _And we never got to say goodbye  
_ _I loved you so much more than I pretended  
_ _Now I can only tell it to the sky_

_While you were dying in the ambulance  
_ _I tried to get some pretty girl to dance  
_ _We all knew I didn't stand a chance  
_ _Just didn't think that song would be our last_

_She said she was way too old for me  
_ _Twenty-one while we were seventeen  
_ _But she held me when I couldn't speak  
_ _Said she could tell that you were family_

_I never knew you were the world til you ended  
_ _And we never got to say goodbye  
_ _I loved you so much more than I pretended  
_ _Now I can only tell it to the sky_

_I remember something dumb you said  
_ _While we messed around out in the shed  
_ _How we could see inside each other's heads  
_ _At least it sounded dumb til you were dead_

_I can't look at pictures of you  
_ _Younger with every year I grew  
_ _You'd hate me for things I can't undo  
_ _For saying things I knew weren't true_

_Since that night I've made mistakes  
_ _And sometimes I want to blame you_  
 _Because you do stupid things when your heart breaks  
_ _And I just wanted to be someone new_

_I never knew you were the world til you ended  
_ _And we never got to say goodbye_  
 _I loved you so much more than I pretended  
_ _Now I can only tell it to the sky_

It's wet and it's clunky. He still doesn't have Luke's affinity for words. But the important thing is that he wrote it for them and now, impossibly, they're here to hear it. He calls his manager and tells him to book a recording session for tomorrow and then he stays up all night trying to perfect a melody on the piano he rarely touches anymore.

He knows that there'll be questions when it's released. It's like nothing he's ever put out before. It's not Trevor Wilson ( _vapid and impersonal_ ) and it's not Sunset Curve ( _joyous, youthful_ ). It's Bobby ( _earnest, vulnerable, aching_ ), finally allowed to breathe again.

He's learning now what Luke somehow already knew all those years ago: that, at its core, music is for truth telling.

It's too late to put right his mistakes but it's not too late, after all, to tell his friends what they meant to him. And it's not too late to start forgiving himself.

______________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me why im now thinking about writing an entire Carrie & Lowell-esque album about this guy's grief and remorse and remembrance. tell me why i have so many feelings about this whole situation???


	2. clocks and hearts and time kept going but we didn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is received and our beloved band are coming to terms with what they left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't not explore the flipside of this situation.
> 
> chapter title from Eulogy for You and Me by Tanya Davis
> 
> edit: I've updated this chapter to include more from Julie's POV

\---------------------------

Julie remembers how fond her mom was of Trevor Wilson.

Sure, she was a fan of his music, but she was also friends with him for almost as long as Julie can remember. She remembers how much time he and her mom spent just talking, especially when she was much younger. She'd sometimes hear their hushed voices drifting up from the studio late into the night. She remembers, too, the way he used to linger at the studio when he came to pick Carrie up from the Molinas' house.

It strikes Julie differently, knowing what she knows now. She wonders if her mom knew Sunset Curve once rehearsed in their garage. She thinks about the demo and the shirt she found among her things. Did she know Trevor was one of them? Did he ever tell _anyone_ who he really was?

 _Keeping a secret like that must be so lonely_ , she thinks. And then she chides herself. He chose to betray his friends after they died and if loneliness is the consequence, so be it.

She remembers the last time he released new music. How she and her mom waited by the computer for it to drop. They were both disappointed by the album but agreed together not to tell him that when they next saw him.

So whatever way she feels about him now, when an article catches her eye that says he's dropped a surprise new song, she has to listen. He's never done this. Trevor Wilson does polished studio albums following weeks of ceaseless promotion. This is an audio file linked from a tweet he posted at 4:09 that morning: " _shouldve recorded this years ago. i hope you hear it_ ". Cryptic. Maybe someone hacked him and leaked a demo?

"What're you listening to?" a voice asks, muffled outside her headphones. Julie jerks her head up in alarm to see Luke standing over her shoulder, peering at the article open on her phone.

She nearly spikes her phone across the room in her haste to get it out of sight. "Nothing!"

Alex snorts from where he and Reggie have materialized by the door. "Well, _I'm_ convinced."

"Seriously," she says, putting the headphones aside, "if you guys keep coming in here without knocking I _will_ start looking for ways to make you deader."

Alex and Reggie at least have the decency to look apologetic. But Luke just pouts and his stupid shameless puppy eyes tug at Julie in that way she can't resist.

"Fine," she huffs. She doesn't like lying to them anyway. "But don't hate me."

"No promises," Luke says with a smile that reassures her otherwise, and he throws himself onto the bed beside her. Reggie and Alex join them.

"I just found out Trevor Wilson released something today for the first time in, like, years. I was about to listen."

"Oh, come _on_ ," Reggie groans.

"Really, Julie? You still wanna hear that guy's stuff, after what he did? You said yourself his music wasn't even good after he ran out of stolen Sunset Curve songs." Luke is offended, much as Julie expected.

She wonders again what Trevor was like, back when he was Bobby. Curious as she is, it's not worth rubbing salt in a wound her boys are still licking.

"I know, Luke, you're right. It's just... My mom and I-" Julie starts to explain but the affronted expressions on all of their faces drop away, replaced by understanding.

"Oh God, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't think." Luke takes her hand and squeezes once. Her insides somersault in a not-unpleasant way. She's still getting used to being able to feel his touch.

"We can wait in the studio if you want to be alone," Alex says gently. She's not sure what her face does but he nods and stands up to leave.

"Yeah, we'll get right out of your hair, sorry Julie," Reggie scrambles to his feet, knocking a couple of cushions to the floor.

"Thanks, guys," Julie laughs (she's so thankful they're there to make her laugh). "I'll be down in like five minutes."

"No rush. Take as long as you need," Luke tells her. He lets go of her hand and the three of them vanish at once.

\----------------------------

_Oh no, she's crying._

Luke moves to gather her up in his arms but she waves him away, cheeks flushed and glistening.

"I think-" Julie cuts off with a sob and succumbs to his embrace. He looks at Alex and Reggie over the top of her head. Their faces mirror his concern.

When she pulls away after a minute or so, she's looking at them with so much sadness Luke can hardly bear it. She wipes her nose on her sleeve and he tries to ignore the way it's somehow gross and tragic and cute all at once.

"Let's sit down and you can tell us," Alex says sensibly, guiding her to the couch.

"Trevor Wilson really was one of you," she says, strangely disbelieving.

"Well, yeah," says Reggie slowly. "Didn't we all sort of process that already?"

" _Dude_." Luke gives him a look and Alex kicks him in the shin. Reggie gestures indignantly toward Julie as if to say _I'm not the one acting obtuse right now!_ Julie laughs though, so that's a good sign.

"No, listen." She pulls out her phone and disconnects the headphones. "It's about you."

"The song?"

For an answer, she taps a button and puts the phone on the table. There's piano, soft and melancholy even through the tinny speaker.

________________________________________

He wants to hate it. He wants to feel like kicking the table over and writing a song right back to say _I don't care! I don't want to know, you selfish scumbag!_ And he _does_ feel angry, but not angry how he wants to feel. Angry like he's been punched in the stomach; doubled over and gasping for air. He's angry that he's hurting over Bobby, because he's still hurting over what Bobby did. Shouldn't it cancel out, or something?

________________________________________

The song ends and he looks up to find he's the only one not crying. He won't. He's already cried over losing the life they had, over seeing his parents' twenty-five years worth of grief. 

He can see reflected on their faces the dawning comprehension that their Bobby still exists now but only as a fragment of the man who sold their legacy and left their families with nothing. And that that man only exists as he his because they died and left their friend behind.

Reggie clears his throat and swallows audibly. "Okay, I guess maybe we aren't done processing it."

"That's really Bobby," Luke croaks, though he doesn't quite mean to say it aloud. They all turn to look at him and suddenly he's crying too. "I didn't even think about..." He doesn't know how to put it into words.

Julie wraps an arm around his shoulders and he feels Alex and Reggie take his hands.

"Is it just me or does it sometimes feel like it was him that died?" Reggie asks quietly. "'Cause we're here and he's gone. Well. Not gone, but-"

"But he might as well be, yeah," Luke finishes.

"I really miss him," Reggie says like he's only now realizing it. They all are.

"He's reaching out, though," Julie says, frowning. She gestures at the phone. "The timing... He obviously wanted you guys to hear it."

"To hurt us?" Alex's voice wavers. "Because this hurts. It's not our fault we died."

"I would do anything to tell my mom how much I love her and miss her," Julie reasons. "I think that's what this is. He's telling you what he couldn't before. It only hurts you because it hurt him." _God, she's wise_ , Luke thinks. 

After a moment of quiet, Alex looks to Luke. "I think we should go talk to him." Reggie is nodding.

Luke doesn't want to. He doesn't want to look at Trevor _sellout_ Wilson and have to think about Bobby, who he knows and loves and suddenly misses like he's lost a limb. Luke can't make it fit together in his head, how those lost twenty-five years could have turned their friend into this selfish, shallow hack. But it _is_ Bobby. Their Bobby. He wishes it wasn't, wishes he could hate him freely. Because if their Bobby could become this and do what he did to their memory, maybe any of them could've, in his position. The thought makes Luke feel kind of sick.

"This could be, I don't know, closure," Julie says, wiping a tear from his cheek. "For all of you."

He swallows the lump in his throat and wipes a hand over his face. He doesn't want any of this. He was finally content to move on and make new music with Julie and forget Trevor Wilson altogether. He thought that made him the bigger person, but his stupid conscience is insisting he owes it to Bobby - to all of them - to hear what Trevor has to say. 

"Yeah. Yeah, alright. We'll go tomorrow."

Alex gets up and squeezes himself onto the couch beside Julie, and Reggie drapes himself across the three of them. He reaches for Julie's phone and starts Trevor's song again from the beginning.

\------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote more chapters to this but in the end I wasn't happy with them. I guess I'm a lot more comfortable writing internal struggles than actually advancing plot, which probably speaks to how I deal with things as a person lol  
> Anyway, big apologies to everyone who was invested in this fic but I'm way happier ending it here than trying to actually bring a closure to this situation that I'm simply not sure is possible.


	3. i lied here's a smidge more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a tiny, angsty snippet of this very challenging conversation

_________________________________________________

"You aren't going to understand. You'll never know what it feels like to carry the weight of mistakes like that." 

"Because we're dead! We won't have the chance!"

"Yeah, Luke, because you're dead. You've been dead for twenty-five years and I had to carry that around too. You were haunting me long before you came back, you know. And I know you don't want me to say sorry. You want me to make it make sense. And I can't do that because I can't put you in my place. I can't show you what it was like to be left all alone like that."

"So you're blaming what you did on us dying?" 

"It's not that simple, Alex. Yeah, none of it would've happened if you'd lived. But I couldn't blame you even when I wanted to. It's not your fault you died and it's not your fault it screwed me up so bad. I know what I did was messed up, and I'm not trying to make excuses. You wanted to know why I did it and I'm telling you. At the time, it didn't even seem like there was a choice. Those songs were a lifeline when I was drowning. I didn't see it for what it was until the desperation passed, and by then I'd signed away my right to come clean. I am sorry. I'll never stop being sorry but that doesn't change it. So the next best thing I can do is be better for the people I love who aren't dead." 

Trevor is already sure that the closure just isn't going to come. He'll never not be made from his mistakes. They'll never not be hurt by his mistakes. Maybe some wounds can't be stitched up. He wonders if he'll be rotting from the inside out for the rest of his life.

___________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just found this among my bits of draft and liked it enough to post it :)  
> as much as i want it, i cant think of a way this could have a happy ending


End file.
